Welcome back, world, from my hiatus.
I like engaging in animalistic sexual acts with infants and monkeys of various species. I also like dressing up in purple or magenta colored clothing and adorning myself with make-up from Victoria’s Secret, after all, I am a woman trapped inside the hideous body of a man. I am in love with Saurav. I am also in love with looking at myself in the mirror wielding my 3 ft gun, thinking, “Gosh, Marcoto [Yes, this is a name I have made for myself.] you look damn sexy in that blue bikini and straw hat. Angelina Jolie has nothing on me.” I also like mentally and physically torturing my cousin by sitting on her and trying to insert phallic objects through the roughness of her jeans pockets. That is my fetish. I also harbor a dream of becoming skinny one day, well, skinnier at least. I do this by having my cousin sit on me. Skinny, here I come. Who cares for Jenny Craig’s overused and simplistic diet tactics? For Weightloss’s guaranteed, well, weight loss? For exercising? I like driving around on my metallic chrome car, sleek, powerful, and like my Latino lover? it drives so hard and rough, but I like it that way. I also like maneuvering the stick shift, if you know what I mean. On days where I feel unloved by this cold heartless world we live in, I blast the volume on my computer, turn to Adam Levine’s sexy masculine voice, almost mimicking that of MJ’s and hum myself to a tearful dreamy sleep. He comforts my soul with his words of understand, O! if only you were gay, Adam Levine. And to my secret lover…I love you! Saurav, will you never be mine?!
– Marcoto. A defeated fighter. A lost lover. A searching soul.
PS. Teresa is totally fucking awesome and you should all build a shrine made of diamonds and baby heads to worship her.
Martini's Blog 