A Revisit.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 7, 2018 by martinitram

It has been 4 years since my last post here… Give or take 10 days.  Time sure flies by huh…

Oh gosh… it’s really hard to believe that I started this blog while in high school just a little over 10 years ago… I’m so old!!!!!!!!  I regret re-visiting this blog now.

Every now and then, I succumb to the urge to re-visit the past.  That means revisiting this blog for a healthy dose of cringe and self-hatred.

This post is probably going to just be a mind dump of the first things comes to mind.

So what’s up with me?

Back in late-February, 2018, I moved into a new apartment building (definite upgrade from my previous place) and my first room mate in years.  I get along with my room mate… surprisingly better than I would have thought.  We have similar common interests that we talk about and are all about that Vape Nation Lifestyle (not really…).

I suppose one of the reasons I chose to get a room mate was because my sister recommended it to deal with my… antisocial behavior?

My friends would know (especially the friends I made down in So Cal who probably do not know about this blog) how distant I tend to be, and (justifiably) give me shit for it (I probably deserve it).  By that, I mean I am perfectly fine not seeing them for a while, and generally prefer to be a hermit locked in his room XD.  Even my my norcal friends probably feel neglected.

Hell.  I haven’t been in a real relationship since Julie (I wonder how she has been… Hopefully well)… though I’ve dated a couple girls since then.  Recently, I’ve been increasingly thinging, “you need to get in the game, Martin… Hit the gym already and get chicks!”

Anyways… Hows work you ask??

Work is the same old same old.  I am eternally grateful that I need to make construction site visits a couple times a month  instead of being in the office 40 hours a week.  It has been getting a little stressful lately with new clients who are trying to fuck us over, and my boss chewing me out for not realizing some of those aspects, but I digress.  I still get to do some of the norcal jobs and allows me to spend the last weekend of the month with family in San Jose.

But yeah.  After 4 years, the job is still interesting.  Though I feel like I am stagnating (been putting off getting my architecture license).  I still feel responsible for the work I do and the company, but motivation to do anything productive after work is next to non-existant.

My parents are about to retire.  They only need to sell 1 more of their dental offices, and I think that’s it!  After talking about it for so long, they finally sold the other dental office, reducing my mom’s workload and stress.  Ideally, they can just chill and enjoy life after this (and hopefully not argue too much).

I built a PC a little less than a year ago.  Specs are: Ryzen 1700, Zotac GTX 1060, 3gb. 1TB M.2 SSD drive, 16 gigs of DDR4 ram, all in a NFC S4 Mini.  It’s an average build but is one of the sexiest things ever… Google the NFC S4 Mini for yourself.  I actually regret not pre-ordering 2 of them (Each was $195!!!) since they’re no longer made…

Oh, and I downloaded Robinhood a couple months ago, and after several crazy months, I am finally out of the negative.  Also, options trading will be the death of my bank account.  Gotta get those FDs!

Blah!

Anyways, I suppose that’s a quick update of whats going on in my life for anyone who is curious about it.

Based on the timing between posts, you can probably expect another one by the year 2025.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Peace.

 

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Posted in Uncategorized on May 17, 2014 by martinitram

You know what? After re-reading a little of my blog, I feel like I was a fucking idiot. That is all.

It has indeed been a while

Posted in Uncategorized on May 17, 2014 by martinitram

Hello all,
Or none. What does it matter… The last time I updated this blog was apparently when I was still in the third year of architecture school. The reason that I am updating now is simply because I recently read a post form a friend who “revived” his account. I don’t know exactly why I have decided to make a post tonight, but it may have to do with the sake that I am currently drinking. Regardless, a part of me, deep within that has been buried by all that I currently know dictates that I write this. So here it is.

I feel like this is going to be a reflective blog, as I suddenly feel like this is this is one of the only ways for me to be honest with myself. I have recently (7 days ago) graduated and start my full time job in two days on Monday. Regarding this, I am a little scared of what is to come, but at the same time, I am excited because I feel like it will make me a better person, forcing me to be more social due to what the job entitles, but that is simply what I hope. I have been wondering if this expectation is false: if I am truly able to do this… My boss seems to be a great person who genuinely cares about his employees, and I am truly scared of screwing everything up and letting him down.

But more about what has compelled me to write this blog: I have always thought that a period of self-reflections has always been a necessity, and is something that I have been neglecting, or at the very least, avoiding. I have found myself partial to intoxication with the sole purpose of forgetting what I have to deal with. This has been an issue that has been bothering me for quite a while, but something I felt was necessary due to my recent “suffering” due to architecture school…

That’s right, I fucking hated architecture school at my university. By the time i realized I hated it, I was in third year, and simply thought to myself, “It’s only two more years, so suck it up, and let’s go.” Despite fourth year being my most enjoyable year, designing and building a cabin as well as studying abroad in Rome, I dreaded and despised my final semester there. This was the time where I felt frustration and contempt at what my school offered here. I pondered the possibility that I was being lazy, but quickly realized that it was justified. This school is a design school at it’s core. When I came into architecture, I believed that it would be more pragmatic and logic-driven, instead of “artsy-fartsy” bullshit. This year has solidified my suspicion that my school is focused on just that. My co-professor was a former architect turned artist whom I have very little, if any, respect for. This professor would disregard any logic or reason you had and simply say, “Make it look cool.” And when asked to clarify, he would simply show you some building and say, ” Look at that! Whatttt?????” as if he had made his point. One observation that should be noted is his treatment of each of the students. He would never come to any of the students and say, ” Where is *insert male student name here*? I want to talk to them!” He would only focus on the female ones, and even try to hit on several of them. This is, of course, based on my observations as well as a couple of my other colleagues there, but it is what we all seem to agree on. The other professor is a respectable professor who genuinely cares for us all, but is not confrontational or unprofessional like the other.

And now this rant has made me forget about what I originally wanted to talk about… Dammit.

Until next time, if there is one.

Wine and Whiskey

Posted in Uncategorized on February 8, 2012 by martinitram

Fuck third year… so much stuff to do and so little time… >.< Indeed it has been a while since I have blogged at all and am surprised at how i came to this site at all… But… The stress is getting to me along with so many other things… Fuck this… I'm going to have a smoke and sleep and finish later

Hmm…

Posted in Uncategorized on July 30, 2011 by martinitram

Haven’t blogged in a while… But I am back in San Jose, though I should have blogged that on Thursday… XD

I think that I’ll blog about being back later… There seems to be things i need to get off my chest, but now doesn’t feel like the time to do so: I should probably sleep so I can go airsofting in the morning, plus I am kind of sleepy… haha…

Ending it abruptly because… well, just because I feel like it…

Not sure what to post

Posted in Uncategorized on July 17, 2011 by martinitram

Haha, I feel like if I keep posting, I’ll just end up sounding like a whiny little bitch…. I probably already do… but…. Eh, who cares.

I suppose this will be a continuation of the post before the last one.

To put it in the most basest of explanations, I have lost a habit in my life, a pattern. Adjusting to a new pattern is, I suppose, what “getting over it” is describing, but the question I’m proposing is how the mind deals with such change. When something gets lost, you decide whether or not it has much value to you: If it doesn’t, then life goes on without much change. If it does have value to you, then you try to replace it. In my case, I try to fill my life with different habits simply because there is nothing else to do in that time(given its summer and I am stuck in school). It’s only a matter of time until you notice the difference and realize that no matter how you try to forget or ignore the old habits, they are still a big part of your life and cannot be parted with. So how you need to start thinking, or at least how you SHOULD start thinking, is to simply live with the memories of the habits, and change how you view them, instead of trying to ignore them.

The reason we try to forget is because we desire it. A bit of a conundrum, but we try to distract ourselves and forget about the memories because it reminds us of what we could have or used to have, but can’t have. In order to minimize the negative effects the memories have, one must change the way they view them. Its all about priorities I suppose: prioritize other wants, and slowly view the memories as something you want, then something you would be grateful to have, then something that wouldn’t hurt to have, etc etc.

Much fucking harder when it looks though when you have nothing to do and can’t help but entertain thoughts, scenarios, etc. to sate unrequited wants.

What’s interesting is that I have been smoking more often lately, but not directly because of the stress or whatever, but mainly just to talk to my friend J. Still hate the taste and smell. Don’t see how people get addicted to the stuff.

As for alcohol, I’ve only actually drank alone in order to sleep 3 times at most. Most of the time I just stay up late enough to collapse in bed, so those of you who care don’t have to worry.

Shooting… doesn’t help that much… It helps WHILE I’m shooting, but afterwards I usually feel worse… >.> I understand why now, but… blah…

The gym is the only thing that gives me the pleasure of an oblivious mind through a “tortured” body.

Hope to go to an outdoor shooting range in about a week with J again.

*Sigh….* I wish my History of Modern Art class didn’t end yet… Learned so many interesting ideas and concepts that probably would have kept my mind occupied… Haha

Marcel Duchamps, “The Bride Stripped Bare By Her Bachelors”
Butt Sex.....?
Butt Sex……? O.o XD

Ouch…

Posted in Uncategorized on July 13, 2011 by martinitram

It is now wednesday morning… Yesterday I went to the gym with a couple friends, which was the first time for me in quite a while, so I had some fun as well as felt pretty bad for becoming so weak… Haha, Plus it helped me get my mind off of some things.

After the workout, me and the three other guys went to chipotle grill, which was my first time there, and I suppose it was pretty good. Yeah…. its 3:45 in the morning now so I can’t really think, much less type up a decent blog post…

All I can say is that I woke up at 2AM because my left shoulder was sore as fucking hell. No matter what position I slept in, it kept hurting/aching… I probably pushed myself too hard at the gym for my first day… So I had the pleasure of staying awake and having time to think about shit, which is not too pleasant.

So now I sit here with my left shoulder throbbing, wanting to sleep, and about to play games to kill time… >.>

Ouch!! >..<