Not sure what to post

Haha, I feel like if I keep posting, I’ll just end up sounding like a whiny little bitch…. I probably already do… but…. Eh, who cares.

I suppose this will be a continuation of the post before the last one.

To put it in the most basest of explanations, I have lost a habit in my life, a pattern. Adjusting to a new pattern is, I suppose, what “getting over it” is describing, but the question I’m proposing is how the mind deals with such change. When something gets lost, you decide whether or not it has much value to you: If it doesn’t, then life goes on without much change. If it does have value to you, then you try to replace it. In my case, I try to fill my life with different habits simply because there is nothing else to do in that time(given its summer and I am stuck in school). It’s only a matter of time until you notice the difference and realize that no matter how you try to forget or ignore the old habits, they are still a big part of your life and cannot be parted with. So how you need to start thinking, or at least how you SHOULD start thinking, is to simply live with the memories of the habits, and change how you view them, instead of trying to ignore them.

The reason we try to forget is because we desire it. A bit of a conundrum, but we try to distract ourselves and forget about the memories because it reminds us of what we could have or used to have, but can’t have. In order to minimize the negative effects the memories have, one must change the way they view them. Its all about priorities I suppose: prioritize other wants, and slowly view the memories as something you want, then something you would be grateful to have, then something that wouldn’t hurt to have, etc etc.

Much fucking harder when it looks though when you have nothing to do and can’t help but entertain thoughts, scenarios, etc. to sate unrequited wants.

What’s interesting is that I have been smoking more often lately, but not directly because of the stress or whatever, but mainly just to talk to my friend J. Still hate the taste and smell. Don’t see how people get addicted to the stuff.

As for alcohol, I’ve only actually drank alone in order to sleep 3 times at most. Most of the time I just stay up late enough to collapse in bed, so those of you who care don’t have to worry.

Shooting… doesn’t help that much… It helps WHILE I’m shooting, but afterwards I usually feel worse… >.> I understand why now, but… blah…

The gym is the only thing that gives me the pleasure of an oblivious mind through a “tortured” body.

Hope to go to an outdoor shooting range in about a week with J again.

*Sigh….* I wish my History of Modern Art class didn’t end yet… Learned so many interesting ideas and concepts that probably would have kept my mind occupied… Haha

Marcel Duchamps, “The Bride Stripped Bare By Her Bachelors”

Butt Sex……? O.o XD