Hmm, Right now I am not so sure what to blog about… It seems that this sudden revival may be short lived until I become emotionally worked up again to vent it out again. Haha.
Don’t be mistaken that I am completely all right, I have just had plenty of distractions as well as friends that I have been able to vent and talk to. Mainly three friends from college, and with one of whom I talked over some cigarettes to calm me down. Don’t worry! I am not going to be addicted! That, plus my blood has alcohol in it for a while now… O.o Mainly because I cannot seem to fall asleep at night, plus my friend invited me to a party to try and cheer me up… XD
If not with friends, then I have been occupying myself with building some gundam models just for fun and exploring my stash of movies and shows that I have neglected for a while.
It is interesting, however, to note that I am not feeling as bad as I thought I would. This meaning that I still think and reminisce of the times and moments, but I neither feel too bad about them nor do I feel any negative feelings. I suppose this is what Marcus was talking about when he said to cherish the memories, as they are proof that I am capable of love… Also, according to Saurav, this is a rite of passage into manhood. In any case, I can only hope that I am steadily getting over this heartbreak.
This does, however, bring up a concern I have been having. Since there aren’t that many memories of us down in school, what will happen when I return up to San Jose, where I have shared priceless moments with her in my house, biking through the neighborhoods, walking around in the parks, etc. Will I start weeping again when I return home? I do not know whether that would be a good or bad thing.
I SEEM to be handling this much better than I thought I would. Notice the word seem… I don’t know how to explain this… Perhaps I have not yet let go and have simply been hoping to reconcile the relationship later. That to me seems to be the most logical answer… In any case, it hasn’t even been a week and I can only speculate and guess that I am going through some sort of denial phase. It will eventually pass hopefully, or maybe my hopes and thoughts may really be sincere, in which case I get the feeling I’d have an extremely rough time… >.>
Oh well, life goes on. Though the degree of my happiness has been slumping much lately… I still feel depressed most of the time even though I am having “fun”. My urge to play games has severely dropped, it has become less difficult to sleep, but I am still unable to sleep unless very tipsy or REALLY exhausted. Indeed, life goes on, and it is not the end of the world… The world has simply stopped looking so nice for a while.
I miss you…
